Imagine a place struck by famine. The harvests have failed, there is hardly any food, and every day is a fight for survival. Such a place exists, current day Somalia. The UN has declared a a famine. 10 million people have been effected by the worst drought in 50 years.
Hundreds of millions of dollars are going to be needed to address the problem. To make matters even worse a ban has been brought into action against outside help by the militia group which is in power. The ban causes a major setback for humanitarians trying to reach those in need. Currently 30% of Somali children are suffer acute malnourishment, and 4 out of every 10,000 children die daily.
However the situation seems grim, things can be done. Refugees camps are in place and humanitarian efforts have reached some people in need. But regular people are also doing their part to help the Somali. Andrew Andasi, an 11 year old Ghanaian schoolboy is raising money for those in need. He told the BBC he wanted to raise $13m during his school holidays. "I want individuals, companies, churches, other organisations to help me get 20m Ghana cedis." The boy's determination has impressed the ghanaians, and he has appeared as a guest on TV and on the radio. He was moved by images of Somali women and children walking for days in search of food. Then he decided to start his campaign, he created a bank account for the donations and made stickers and flyers. So far he has rasied $500. He is currently working with the UN and the WFP (the united nations World Food Programme).
Hundreds of millions of dollars are going to be needed to address the problem. To make matters even worse a ban has been brought into action against outside help by the militia group which is in power. The ban causes a major setback for humanitarians trying to reach those in need. Currently 30% of Somali children are suffer acute malnourishment, and 4 out of every 10,000 children die daily.
However the situation seems grim, things can be done. Refugees camps are in place and humanitarian efforts have reached some people in need. But regular people are also doing their part to help the Somali. Andrew Andasi, an 11 year old Ghanaian schoolboy is raising money for those in need. He told the BBC he wanted to raise $13m during his school holidays. "I want individuals, companies, churches, other organisations to help me get 20m Ghana cedis." The boy's determination has impressed the ghanaians, and he has appeared as a guest on TV and on the radio. He was moved by images of Somali women and children walking for days in search of food. Then he decided to start his campaign, he created a bank account for the donations and made stickers and flyers. So far he has rasied $500. He is currently working with the UN and the WFP (the united nations World Food Programme).
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ReplyDeleteComment: This Blogpost inspires me to think about the problems that happen in real life. Its fascinating to see the facts about where the money should be going instead of where it is now today. I could defiantly see that you researched about your topic . You might make your claim more stand out, to make it more clear to the reader where you are talking about. As I see your first paragraph I saw a good link between your topic and the real world. For the second paragraph you have a good intro sentence reclaiming your topic. Again you use great connections and you’re giving the reader a lot of data that is mostly relevant to the topic. On your third paragraph you are finally picking a kid’s story and about what he has done to make a force of change. This gets the reader’s attention back to your topic. This paragraph showed basically the connection between Andrew’s story and your topic. Making a conclusion would give the reader an overall idea what he just read and it should restate your claim. Overall your vocabulary words were a well placed and used to create a better understanding. It is a good essay but you should make a bigger picture with your amazing word choice. You used a lot of facts but your message is to send the big idea to the reader.
ReplyDeleteQuestions: Does the Somalia government do something to address this problem? Does Andrew only collects money for the people that are starving or does he also do other things with it? What will Andrew do in the future to reach his goal? Do you think that people should take action to fight for their believes? How do you think this problem could be solved on another way?
These comments could help you develop your writing. With your amazing word choice, you have to picture the big idea better.
Comment by Jorijn Holstvoogd